Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
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definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
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What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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