is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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