Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Randomize
