5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
