You smell like stripper and shame
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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