So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
