Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
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