Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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