I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
