I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
