he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
