I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
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