the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
