I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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