why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
