Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
