Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
