I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
