found the other keg... it's in the tree
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
