just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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