ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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