you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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