ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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