I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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