The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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