Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
