i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
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im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
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That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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