You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
