Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
