he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
