I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
