it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
