Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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