awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
