So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
