I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
