so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
