I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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