She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
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