who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Your tits are I can't wait for
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
