Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
She made me pour olive oil on her.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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