I puked a lego.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Randomize
