How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
