Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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