I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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