Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
