let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
