I CAN MOONWALK!
I just threw up on my dentist
I skipped work to stalk him.
I checked into jail on foursquare
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
