We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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