Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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