so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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