before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
