I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
