Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
