I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
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