I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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