When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
