update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
