Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
