respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
