Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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