Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
