i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
